Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
