Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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