I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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