i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
