I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In other news, I just burned my penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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