Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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