Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
