Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
