He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
