I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
