I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
