he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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