porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
