with your own penis?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
