God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
