Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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