i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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