dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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