you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
