i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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