I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
