The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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