Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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