That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
