Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
