Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
