Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
