So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
