I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
