Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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