I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
