Swine flu. Run for my life!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
