You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
