I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
