i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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