he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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