At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
