make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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