Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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