The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
