the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
