his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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