Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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