My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
