when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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