I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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