i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
