I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Houston, we have a squirter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
