What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
