When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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