I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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