: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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