This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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