She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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