You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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