Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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